I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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