My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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