I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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