So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
