he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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