Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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