Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
