Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
