I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
