I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
