Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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