So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
