So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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