people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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