I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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