my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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