come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
