why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
