I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
