I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
