No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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