Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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