Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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