dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
