Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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