need another drink. this is the easiest way
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
