Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
