my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Say something about gay babies.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
