He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
