Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
