everyone is single if you try hard enough
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
third nipple confirmed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
