I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
