I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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