so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You took a bar mat shot.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
