his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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