For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
