dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
