I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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