just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
