My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
