What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
