Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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