apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
