Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
