K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
