So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
