i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
