I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
