well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
