OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
