He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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