Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
