in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
