drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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